Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
