We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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