You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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