Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
nutella sex= disaster
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
