we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
