i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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