Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
