I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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