I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
