my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
