Can i not drive my cunt home
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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