How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
