Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
