pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
