I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize