At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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