dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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