My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
