Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Randomize
