My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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