just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize