Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
