You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I checked into jail on foursquare
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
