Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
