I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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