The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I just had sex on a roof
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize