i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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