Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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