A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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