im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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