what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I will be naked everywhere
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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