Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
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