That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
