Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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