i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
