New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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