Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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