I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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