She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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