he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
