was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Semen is not good for contacts.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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