I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
they're like a gay fantastic four
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
