I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
