Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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