remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize