Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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