I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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