Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
