dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
