so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
