dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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