Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
