Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
