Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
