I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
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