i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
