theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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