She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize