I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
