"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
