I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Randomize
