I am in a vortex of obligation.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
