hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
