i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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