I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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