I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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