I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm at about main and main street
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
