Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I am spending my child support on dildos
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize