I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Randomize
