Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
