They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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