you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
