Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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