i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
she looked like the before picture.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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