I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
