She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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