i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
