I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
