I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
