if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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