And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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