we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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