WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
