You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
