Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
