i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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