So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
