two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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