A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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