Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
