New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize