Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
