well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
