I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
