I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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