Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
