Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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