she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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