i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
