you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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