Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
