Im at strip club and am horny
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
