Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
