Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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