i need an iv and a liver transplant
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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