You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
