I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
