Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
