get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
