I didn't shave. On purpose
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
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