Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
