whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Randomize
